gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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