Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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