Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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