getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
