ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
