You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
