im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
