as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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