I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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