If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
