It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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