Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize