She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
