were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize