connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
