I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
