I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
sick fucks of a feather flock together
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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