the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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