Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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