woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
