Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
