1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
tell me about the fingering
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
