capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
