My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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