i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
