Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
