I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
