From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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