he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
