she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
