Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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