He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
