I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
