dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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