Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
