Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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