he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
