i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
