I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
