dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
