before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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