I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
