I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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