I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
