I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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