i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
