since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
