Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
