i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
