Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize