I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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