I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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