listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
