Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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