He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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