____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize