Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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