Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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