What did we do last night that was yellow?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
