Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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