ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
