Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
