Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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