his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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