Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
