I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There's a naked man in my car right now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
