If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
