I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize