apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
