I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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