doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
