I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
