You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
