I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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