Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize