A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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