I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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