She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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