Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think my vagina is haunted
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
