Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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