So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
