sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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