Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
