I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
