May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
