im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
