I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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