My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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