i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
