yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I party with great urgency now.
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