Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
