Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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