Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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