I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Everything about him screamed your future.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
