So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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