did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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