If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
