I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
