Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
