the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
