there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
